Lead with Care
A foundation of care is critical when engaging in any conversation. This is especially true when we are providing corrective coaching to an educator we support. Before someone can be open to hear what we have to share, they have to know we care about them both personally and professionally. By showing care, we are building a community people want to be a part of. So, how do we do this? When establishing a culture of care, there are three primary strategies that can help: Care Out Loud, engage in frequent small talk, and maintain routines that cultivate connection.
Engage in frequent small talk because…small talk isn’t small.
Care Out Loud
First, tell the educators you work with that you care about them. Out loud. We need to consistently share that we care about them, and we appreciate them. This can be as simple as saying, “I care about you.” Be specific enough in your appreciation to make it meaningful. As you pass educators in the hall you could say “I so appreciate the energy you bring to our school” or “We are a better school because you are here.” Develop a variety of ways to frequently articulate how much you care and appreciate the people you work with. Whatever you choose to say, it has to be true. It might feel a bit awkward at first, but the more often you Care Out Loud in meaningful ways, the easier it will be over time. What takes very little effort on your part can have a significant impact on the person you are talking with. Don’t underestimate the power this has in building meaningful relationships.
Small Talk isn’t Small
Second, get to know the educators you support. We have found the best way to do this is to get really good at small talk. When you regularly engage in low stakes conversations, the high stakes conversations become so much easier. Chat with folks about a favorite hobby, the restaurant that just opened, and ask after their families. Take note of their family members' names and little tidbits about them so you can infuse this into subsequent conversations. Pay attention to these details and show that you truly care about who they are as humans.
We have had a number of leaders privately tell us that “they are not very good at small talk” or “they really don’t like engaging in small talk.” We will encourage you to do it anyway. Put some conversation starters in your back pocket to get the ball rolling. You may be thinking, “I’m so busy already. I don’t have time for small talk.” Our response? You don’t have time not to. This is an investment of time that will pay dividends in the future. As an added benefit, you’ll feel more connected too!
Routines
While small talk and Caring Out Loud are crucial, they are not enough. Build in regular routines to show care. These are a few that we have found to be effective.
Making Rounds:
You may have heard the idea of managing by wandering around. A small twist on this idea is to intentionally schedule time into the beginning or end of the day to wander in and out of classrooms for quick check-ins. Ask about their family, their hobbies, or if there is anything they need. The purpose is to build small talk into your day. When you come back at another time and check in about something you talked about, this shows that you see them, and you care about them personally. We recommend planning your route intentionally so that you are connecting with everyone over the course of a day or week, depending on the size of your campus. As an added bonus, this will cut down significantly on your email, as a number of small things can be taken care of during these quick connections. Talk about a time saver!
Favorite Things:
Intentionally gathering the staff’s favorite things is so useful! At the start of the year, find out everyone’s favorite warm beverage, snack, hobbies, restaurants, books, and so on. Ask everyone to give you a work appropriate song they enjoy and use this to build a playlist for staff meetings. This is a fun way to make everyone feel a part of the group, and having folks guess who chose what song can be a great way to get to know each other better. When someone is having a rough day, showing up with their favorite coffee drink is a thoughtful way to demonstrate care. On their birthday, having a snack size bag of their favorite treats is personal and easy to do.Celebrations and Shout-Outs:
Find ways to celebrate your staff, and help them celebrate each other! An easy way to do this is to start staff meetings with celebrations and shout-outs. A shout-out is someone calling out something they saw another educator do that is worth highlighting, and a celebration is something awesome that someone shares about themselves. We also love a shout-out board, where staff can write a shout-out to someone else and publicly display it. Whatever your system, just make sure there is a way to celebrate the great work being done.Recognize Milestones:
Recognizing important events in people’s lives shows you value them. Develop a system for celebrating everyone’s birthday, no matter how old they are. After all, this is the only day every year that is all about them. Erika sets aside time on her calendar to write handwritten birthday cards for every staff member with a birthday that week. When someone has a major life event, such as a wedding, baby, graduation, etc., have a way to celebrate this. This doesn’t have to fall only on you! We encourage you to establish a committee that is responsible for recognizing milestones. This can also be used when someone experiences a medical event or a loss. The committee ensures no one is forgotten and it becomes much more sustainable.Strength Bombardment:
Have each staff member write their name on the top of a large piece of paper and place them around the room. Everyone goes to each paper and quietly writes something they appreciate about that person. The end result is a page of strengths and gratitudes that the person can take with them. This is such a meaningful exercise that makes the whole staff feel connected. It is a wonderful way to end a school year. It’s also an artifact that folks love to display in their offices or classrooms.
Intentional Greetings and Good-Byes:
As we know from working with students, the first and last part of any interaction is what is most likely to be remembered. The same is true for grown-ups! Take advantage of this to show care to each staff member as they enter a staff meeting by greeting them individually and by name. An easy way to do this is to meet them at the door and hand out the agenda so you can connect with everyone as they enter. This, combined with the staff playlist going in the background, starts every meeting with connection. When the meeting is over, try ending with a circle so each person can give a quick closing connection so everyone’s voice is heard.
Play Together, Learn Together:
It is so important to laugh together as a staff. This lowers our affective filter, and makes us open to learning alongside each other. So, incorporate laughter. Put together quick Minute-to-Win-It games to get people laughing, or use a silly activity (check out the appendix for easy no prep icebreakers that will get people laughing). Share a meme or a funny thing a student said to start off a gathering. There are also times where you might organize a staff-wide scavenger hunt or group activity. This does not have to be expensive! A staff field day prior to school starting is so fun and it’s free.
Celebrate the Good:
This may feel basic, but do not forget to say thank you. Find out how people like receiving praise. Then tailor how you show your thanks to match what is most meaningful to them. Some folks prefer private acknowledgements of gratitude. Others find a public thank you more meaningful. Everyone appreciates a handwritten note.
Caring about the adults we support, as well as the students, is foundational to building a culture of care in our schools. As the leader, it starts with you. Be intentional in letting people know that you care about them, get to know them through small talk, and embed routines into your school or organization. These are all meaningful ways to invest in your relationships. When it is time to move instruction forward, or shift someone’s behavior, this investment will pay dividends. People will not listen to you if they do not know you care about them personally. We know you do, they need to know too!
Connecting It
When we have a better understanding of the students’ playbook, we can respond with some connected moves of our own. You can learn more common student moves and strategies to respond in our book, Connecting Through Conversation: A Playbook for Talking with Students. By having some go-to responses, we are no longer caught off-guard and are able to focus on creating a culture of connection.
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