Your Body is Talking
The messages we send with our body language speaks volumes. In fact, 55% of what we communicate is through our body language -that is over half! Another 38% is through tone and volume, and the final 7% is through the words we choose. Of course, the words we choose are critical, and we cannot communicate well unless we pay attention to the messages we are sending with our body.
Get on Their Level
Many of us work with students that are smaller than us. Some of us, like Erika who is 5’ 1” in heels, work with older students who are a little taller. In any case, we want to do our best to get on their level. With younger students, this means we want to crouch next to them, or take a knee. We could also sit in a chair next to them. With older students, sitting tends to be the best way to even any height differential. The key is to avoid towering over students.
Can you think of a one-on-one conversation you had where you were seated and a person in a position of authority was standing? We are guessing this was uncomfortable. It increases the power differential, and in many cases can be downright intimidating. This shuts down conversation pretty quickly. The same thing is true for students, so do your best to get on their level.
Consider Positioning
Did you know that when you are standing directly facing someone, with shoulders facing each other, you are in a confrontational stance? In the animal kingdom, this means - let’s get ready to brawl! Although not intentional, standing squared off to someone else can send the message that we are in conflict. We recommend standing or sitting side-by side when possible, or even at a 90 degree angle. This opens up your body, and takes the pressure off of eye contact (for more on eye contact, see our earlier blog: To look or Not to Look).
If you are a parent, you may have noticed that you get more out of your child driving side-by-side in the car than anywhere else. This setup tends to create a more relaxed environment. Kids often feel more comfortable opening up — likely because there's no direct eye contact or expectation to engage face-to-face. (Tiffany admits to driving a little slower when a good conversation with her teenagers is in full swing!) At school, taking a walk around campus with a student can have the same impact.
What to do with your Hands
There are certain body positions that simply send the wrong message. These include crossing your arms, hands on hips, or even pointing or finger waggling at a student. First, just be aware of how you are holding your hands. Make sure they are not sending unintended messages. We want to portray approachability and openness. Crossed arms convey the opposite of that. Second, consider avoiding pointing of any kind. We learned from Disney that gesturing with an open hand sends a much more positive message. Try this next time you are directing someone to the office, the restroom, or even where to turn in an assignment.
Be Aware of Your Face
Erika learned that hard way that her thinking face looks a bit . . . grumpy. When she was a high school principal, she was outside supervising lunch and thinking about a meeting she had coming up. A student she knew well came running up and asked her who she was mad at. Confused, Erika said she was not mad at anyone, and asked why she would think that. The student responded with, “Well you sure look mad.” It was then she realized that the message she was sending with her face, when she was not paying attention, looked a bit angry. She is now careful to pay attention to what her face is doing when with students and colleagues.
Connecting It
The experts tell us that anywhere from 70-90 percent of what we communicate is non-verbal.
Think carefully about the messages you are sending with your body language.
Get on the students’ level whenever possible, position yourself side-by-side or at an angle, and ensure your hands are conveying care.
You can find more tips on leveraging body language in our book, Connecting Through Conversation: A Playbook for Talking with Students. We hope these tips will help you leverage body language to build connections with your students.
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